Jesus Pictures

Since I was thinking about the church and all, I got to thinking about Jesus pictures. I fucking hate pictures of Jesus. He is such a dirty hippie with his long ugly hair and his stupid beard and his shifty eyes. I mean, on the plus side, you probably could score some killer weed from Jesus, but he would be lame to hang out with, unless he started doing all his little magic tricks. That would be sweet I guess.

I don't like those creepy ass pictures of Jesus that people hang in their house though, like those ones that look really old and creepy and look like something that would be in an Indiana Jones movie and be some kind of icons of doom, and that asian kid would be all "no doctah jones! don't touch the icons!" but Indiana Jones would still touch the icons (because god knows he never listens to that asian kid, even though he was in goonies.), and then he would go crazy and try to rip out someones heart or eyeballs or something. I hate those pictures. I don't know how people can put them in their homes and pray to them and not get FREAKED OUT. Imagine if you were coming home and you were fucked up and you turned the light on, and there were a bunch of freaky ass icons of Jesus and Co. staring back at you all shifty like. I would shit myself.

Oh but I DO really love those neon pictures of the last supper and stuff that a lot of people have in their homes. Those things really capture the essence of the fact that last supper was like a total party, and you shouldn't be sad about it because every time you eat wine and bread you're totally eating Jesus and PLUS those things would be trippy as hell if you were stoned.

Sunday Thoughts

Today is sunday, and it is 10am and I have a complaint. Last night, I was out at a gay bar with some gays, and I got good and drunk and then smoked some dope, and then went home and had sex with a stranger, who may or may not have been straight. Anyways, long night!! So this morning, I was sleeping peacefully, when all of a sudden some idiot church bells started to go off.

COME ON!

I should still be passed out hald on my bed and half on the floor, but instead I'm awake because of the fucking church. Do you people have nothing better to do than stand around/kneel around/sit around reading from a crusty ass-old book singing lame songs, shaking hands, and listening to some old priest who is probably a little boy raper? Maybe you don't, and that is just sad, but I do. And that something is sleeping.

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